Focus

Well, I have a confirmed new job at a higher grade and met all my colleagues in the UK yesterday. It all sounds like I should be feeling enthusiastic but, they haven’t managed to convince me yet. We’ll have to wait and see – next week will bring lots more news and might clear the mist a bit.

This week has flown past and has been absolutely exhausting – hence the lack of posts here or at any of my usual on-line haunts. Hopefully I can summon up some energy to get round them all today and also try and catch up with the poetry course I am supposed to be doing! Mind you, I also have a huge stack of books to list for sale on eBay, and my new choice from PBS has arrived, and I’m reading Edith’s Wharton’s The House of Mirth, and Dickens' Bleak House is just waiting to be read and, Henry James' The American is calling me but must finish the last chapter of Roderick Hudson first and… M-u-s-t f-o-c-u-s!

Offer

My mood is thoughtful, almost transcendental - like an angelic child sitting in an open field in the early evening sun, wondering what mischief to get involved in next.

Work yesterday was a very tedious. The heating didn't work, we had several power cuts, it was 16 degrees inside and about 2 degrees outside. Plus, I didn't have anything remotely interesting to do and even if I did, I didn't have any enthusiasm to do much anyway. I went to lunch at 10:30 - that's never a good sign. I wore my coat inside all day too - that's not a good sign either. Anyway, I woke up this morning and my heart sank at the thought of another day of tedium, so I decided to take a days holiday and veg out. I've watched some TV, slept, read and messed about on the computer - nice. At 4:55, I decided to check my voicemail to make sure I hadn't missed anything (fat chance!) and hey-presto, there's a message from my new boss. Of course I had to call him - I couldn't wait until tomorrow now, could I?

So, he made me an offer. O-k-a-y... that's good, right? Hmm. He seemed - well; pushy, impatient, uncommunicative, pushy and, really quite pushy. He rambled at top speed through the offer - same pay and conditions, new job at same location but no job profile or clue about what was involved - and he wanted me to accept there and then. I can't say exactly how it smelt but it had a whiff of desperation about it and I didn't feel like being pushed. Months and months in a holding pattern and not one telephone call from anyone making any decisions about my future and then they want to push me? No. I think not. We have a call booked for 11am tomorrow and a meeting in the City Friday - looking forward to an interesting rest of the week - when I've finished this daisy chain...

Strange

I'm feeling kind of strange at the moment - like I'm hemmed in and waiting for something to happen that's taking its own sweet time. Strange.

This week, I should hear about what job (if any) my employer is going to offer me, after my current job was made redundant a week ago. Change has always been good for me, even when it was bad but, I don't like not being in control of the situation - maybe this is why I'm feeling so hemmed in.

The results from my last degree course are due out on 16th December so I still have something to wait for. I like having something to wait for - something that counts - something like an essay coming back from a tutor, or a submission from an editor, or a note from a friend. Perhaps I just enjoy creating expectation - wonder if everyone else does that?

So, if I create expectation on purpose for myself and enjoy it, why aren't I enjoying waiting to hear about my job? Hmm...

Interests

Well, I've managed to surprise myself today whilst putting together a database of links for my new web site. I have so many interests and ways to soak up the hours, that I don't know how I find time to go to work!

My list of links so far includes writing, literature, history, fluff reading, films, TV, music, yoga, cooking, crochet and other assorted needlecrafts. This is gonna be one strange web site...

Why?

So, I’ve been thinking about starting up a blog for quite some time but until now, I couldn’t quite bring myself round to doing it. Being a logical type, I like to have a reason for doing everything, but the other thing that put me off was that I thought that the kind of people who have blogs, or ‘personal’ web sites, like the sound of their own voices too much. And then it hit me. I like the sound of my own voice too! I like to rabbit on about anything and everything that interests me, love a good rant, and what’s more, I seldom require an answer.

Anyway, having finished the last year of a 6-year commitment to study this October, and always wanting some kind of absorbing project to take my mind off paid work, I thought I’d give it a go.